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Why building community matters more than ever
Why building community matters more than ever
I spent the early years of my career at a university campus working as a student counsellor. Those years gave me a chance to experience belonging and warmth, and develop my skills of active listening sprinkled with capacity and opportunities for fun. The campus offered me the gift of community.
I moved on to start my independent practice in 2014, a journey that has been fulfilling and one I'm still on. It has been a lesson in receiving generosity, learning to trust what life has to offer every day, autonomy, and seeing clients find their own way. At the same time, it has come with a quiet loneliness—an inevitable part of a therapist's life, shaped by independent work and the responsibility of safeguarding clients' stories. Over the years, this awareness has helped me to seek out community in new ways which has made life more meaningful.
As I look back at the last few years in my life and times of grief, disconnection, loneliness for clients, I have come to see that building community is possibly an antidote. A balm for this moment where both the world and relationships feel unpredictable.
We are beginning to navigate a world marked by hyper-individualism and a lack of trust in systems and in one another. There is a shift toward self-sufficiency and fierce autonomy, alongside increasing disconnection as more people work remotely or in hybrid ways. Added to this is the rise of technology and artificial intelligence, which we are beginning to make sense of.
Given this new dynamic, the significance of community and how we approach it is crucial. We need to understand and acknowledge that community has moved beyond being a single pillar of well-being to becoming the very foundation that grounds us, opens us to empathy, and keeps our sense of vitality alive.
We need to begin by asking ourselves: “Are we willing to build our own village that offers a vessel to meet our own needs and at the same time asks us to show up for others when they need us?”
Being part of a community means we are ready to be there for others, not just when it's convenient but when those who we care about need us the most. Making time for others and thinking beyond our own comfort is what communities ask of us. It involves being reliable and remembering that reciprocity, mutual shared concern is where empathy and kindness come alive. This requires us to remember that instead of focusing on what others are doing for us, we have responsibilities too.
In spaces where community and genuine connection is felt, there is a beautiful give and take, one where scores aren't kept. There is shared trust and belief that others will show up when we need them and that we can lean on each other.
Communities offer us interdependence, safe spaces to be vulnerable and allow us to become a better version of ourselves.
In my personal experience, a few close friends, my meditation group, and spaces where books, theatre and movies can be discussed freely have a presence in my life which allows me to let go, have fun and experience lightness. As I name the gifts that come with the community, I recognise how priceless these are. No technology can satiate the need for connection and belonging.
A friend I have known for over 20 years told me, “If you ever feel you are tiptoeing around me and I'm being unkind, just tell me. I value our friendship and I want you to give me feedback.” We both laughed and I said the same holds for me too.
This combination of authenticity, non-judgemental space and empathy is what makes communities special and integral to who we are and who we become.
In a world that's changing too fast, they remind us to remember our values, and care for others. Possibly, the secret to keeping our humanness intact lies in building and sustaining communities.
Sonali Gupta is a Mumbai-based psychotherapist and author.
Source: LiveMint
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