Psychologist shares 5 tips for parents to become more emotionally present

Do you frequently pick up your phone to check emails while your child is talking, absent-mindedly nodding as they recap their school day enthusiastically? Or maybe your kids are putting on their little ‘fashion show' proudly showing their latest outfits, and you are dishing out whatever response comes to your mind because you can't help wonder about the looming client deadline?

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Parenting can be challenging, balancing work responsibilities and household chores, and sometimes the dissociation happens involuntarily. But as parents' minds drift, children do take notice, sooner or later.

Being truly emotionally present plays a vital role in how a child grows and understands themselves. Tanushri Tejas Talekar, consultant psychologist and psychotherapist, told HT Lifestyle that this seemingly small, unintentionally dismissive behaviour of parents can end up shaping a child's lifelong emotional foundation.

“Children don't grow on food and clothes, and education alone. They grow in an emotionally safe environment. And it's that environment that will shape how they see themselves and the world,” she said. The psychologist reminded that a parental presence is not only about giving them the basic physical and materialistic needs, but also being attuned to their emotional needs.

The psychologist debunked many misconceptions of what an involved parent means. “Being emotionally present does not mean being perfect, nor being available every second. It is not about entertaining all the time or avoiding discipline. It is an issue of staying aware of what a child feels inside," Tanushri explained that an involved parent also means emotionally present.

But she does take the pressure off, reminding that emotional presence doesn't mean constant hovering. She alluded to a genuine empathy. So don't feel guilty if work is keeping you away from your child. It is the effort you show in the moment that you are with them, truly matters. Tanushri reminded, “Emotional presence is not measured in hours; it is measured in attention.”

The psychologist listed out 5 daily habits for parents to practice to become more emotionally engaged:

1. In the morning, do a feeling-based check-in rather than only talking about tasks. How does the child feel about the day?

2. Stop and count before reacting; instead, understand the feeling behind the behaviour rather than jumping to correction.

3. Give undivided attention for a few minutes. No phones, no multitasking, no agenda.

4. Emotions should be identified and named in gentle ways to help the children build their emotional vocabulary without shame around feelings.

5. End the day with a connecting ritual, such as a conversation, gratitude, and/or a story. It reinforces the safety in the relationship.

As mentioned before, this parental behaviour changes the way the child sees themselves and the world. What are the ways this shaping takes place?

If parents are emotionally present, children grow to become more confident. Tanushri explained, “They have steadier emotional regulation, and stronger coping skills. They don't avoid difficulties. They just approach them with a stable sense of self.”

But on the other hand, kids when they are raised by emotionally distant parents, their behaviour becomes more maladaptive and they develop poor coping patterns which show up in adulthood.

The psychologist mentioned some issues they may face, “Kids growing up with parents who are physically present but emotionally absent tend to hide or overstate their emotions in attempts to be noticed. These patterns follow them into adulthood and affect relationships, work life, and self-worth.”

So the takeaway is just a few minutes of undistracted, devoted connection can do a lot more for a child than most parents realise. This includes the willingness to actually actively listen and not half-heartedly half-listen while the mind is elsewhere. It also includes active listening and even the curiosity to come back with follow-up questions.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. It is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them.

Source: HindustanTimes
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