Relationship coach reveals 15 reasons why divorce rates are rising

Divorce rates are surging globally. Several issues show up after marriage, which put strain on the relationship, from poor communication to a mismatch in expectations. These unresolved conflicts fester and drive a wedge between the partners, turning resentment into suffocation, cementing the need to separate. Relationship coach Javal Bhatt, in a 9 October Instagram post, shared 15 key pointers about why divorces are increasing.

A post shared by Javal Bhatt | Relationship Coach, Motivator, Writer (@jb.writer)

When couples who are tying the knot barely know each other, problems may arise after marriage. The relationship coach Javal Bhatt remarked that prospective arranged marriage couples need to meet each other for at least 6 months to 1 year to understand each other.

There are certain things which are an absolute dealbreaker for many. Putting them out on the table helps to keep misunderstandings at bay. Javal explained that ‘not clearing these non-negotiables and being real before marriage' may cause clashes later on. These non-negotiables can range from family planning, career, to financial goals.

The third reason the relationship coach highlighted was the incongruence between words and actions. He added, “Promising something else and doing something else, making the actions and words not match.” Before marriage, when one promises their partner something, and later on they don't follow through, then disappointment may settle in.

Marriage should be based on compatibility, which the relationship coach noted, such as lifestyle and behaviour, rather than physical appearance. With such a shallow base for marriage, it will inevitably collapse when lifestyle conflicts emerge.

Javal highlighted that poor work-life balance is one of the reasons for rifts in relationships. When one or both partners are constantly working, there's little time for their relationship, which can create distance.

“There are too much of expectations, emotionally, physically or financially,” Javal noted. This is one of the reasons both parties in the marriage need to be on the same page.

While marriage may begin on a high-energy note, that spark can fade over time if there's no effort. According to the relationship coach, when there's no consistency in expressing love or showing effort, the relationship loses its warmth.

This is also one of the points the relationship coach shed light on. Much like the lack of effort, when one partner shuts down emotionally, then the other may feel frustrated, as they become the sole emotional giver in the marriage.

Initially, there's a lot of flirting, excitement, and keeping the marriage thriving with life. But over time, as couples ease into it, they often stop complimenting or flirting with each other. Javal added, “Couples suddenly stop flirting or complimenting just because they are wife or husband." This highlighted that often couples take things for granted, which may dull the spark. Healthy banter can help keep romance alive and sustain the marriage.

“There's a lot of blaming each other without self-reflection and accountability,” Javal added. Instead of pointing fingers, one should introspect on how they may be the problem. Marriages often include a lot of fights, but this healthy habit helps to navigate and come out of them unscathed.

When marriages are too crowded with, as the relationship coach pointed out, “with too much involvement of both family and friends,” then it may stir problems. External opinions may cause conflicts.

Javal revealed that one of the reasons is the threat of divorce in little arguments. Turns out, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Divorce may trigger anxiety, and in the heat of the moment in an argument, it may look like a good emotional manipulation to win the fight. But this threat only propels them towards divorce more.

It is a no-brainer that an extramarital affair is a major deal breaker. Javal added, “Going into external marital affairs due to boredom phase or rough phase in the relationship.” Further, he also added that if one partner is still very closely connected to their ex, then it may weigh down on the present relationship.

Marriage may be the union of two people, but at the end of the day, they are still two individuals, not clones. So, not everything ought to be taken personally. Addressing this, the relationship explained, “When one can't let go, takes everything personally, and keeps holding onto things.” It means that if one partner is quick to hold grudges, overreacts to trivial matters, it obstructs healthy communication and puts the marriage's longevity in question.

The last point the relationship coach briefly noted was ‘social media comparison.' Many married couple influencers may put up vlogs and pictures of their picture-perfect life, but that should not be the ideal. They may plant unrealistic expectations and insecurity.

Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice.

Source: HindustanTimes
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