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I've not written book to tear anyone down - Earps
Mary Earps says she has not written her book to "tear anyone down" and feels reaction to it has been "distorted".
The former England goalkeeper, who played a key role in their Euro 2022 victory, faced backlash from fans and Chelsea boss Sonia Bompastor after she made comments about former Lionesses team-mate Hannah Hampton and manager Sarina Wiegman.
Earps' autobiography is released this week but extracts have been published by the Guardian, external.
In the book, Earps claims she told Wiegman she was rewarding "bad behaviour" by recalling Hampton to the England squad after dropping her for being "disruptive and unreliable".
In response, Bompastor said Chelsea's Hampton had shown "class" and she felt Earps had disrespected Wiegman.
"It's been really overwhelming to see how some things have been distorted a little bit," Earps told BBC Sport.
"I've not written this book to tear anyone down in any shape or form. That is not who I am as a person. This is real life. It has consequences. It isn't a drama.
"Women's football has entered into a space that has become a bit like entertainment, so your life gets picked apart for people's amusement sometimes. But it's not amusing, you know?
"I don't think I've thought about what I wanted the reaction to be. I'm not surprised, by what I've seen on my algorithms [on social media], if I had come to the same conclusions as other people if I'm honest. But that's not what I feel I've written.
I don't think it's a fair reflection and I think it's been taken out of the entirety of the context. I speak about so many different things and it's hard to see only certain things being pulled out and really focused on.
Earps did not want to comment further on her history with Hampton in the interview but among a range of topics in the book she discussed losing her spot as England number one prior to Euro 2025 and how that strained her relationship with Wiegman.
She said it was "not a rapid decline in the relationship" - just a difference of perspectives and she retains respect for Wiegman.
"There were things that happened in the summer that I wish had happened differently, of course. There's an exchange at the end where she says we're like family. I hope the noise of this situation hasn't changed that," added Earps.
The 32-year-old, currently playing for Paris St-Germain, said she has no regrets from her career or decisions.
"Hindsight is a beautiful thing and I would maybe do things differently with the information I have now, but I don't think I have regrets," said Earps.
"Regrets are hard because it's outcome-driven. You can be a hero in one person's eyes and a villain in another's.
If you do things with integrity and the right intentions then I don't think you should have regrets in life, no matter what the outcome is.
Earps discussed the bullying she suffered at school, stating it was a "really hard" chapter of the book to read again as it brought back previous trauma.
"It probably planted a seed. I didn't stand up for myself back then and my life has been about trying to find that strength to stand up for myself," she added.
"I just assumed that people didn't like me for most of my life and career. I found it really challenging in team dynamics because I went in always assuming that.
I was conditioned to feel like nobody really cares. I was withdrawn in that sense. I was used to not being liked. If I spoke then people picked on me so I just got used to being quiet.
Those emotions led to panic attacks as Earps says she "felt really misunderstood".
She also struggled with body image and during the Covid pandemic turned to alcohol to cope with anxiety and depression, as well as restricting her food.
"It was definitely conscious. For as long as I can remember, aside from the last few years where I've had a much healthier relationship with food, I've always felt like I wasn't slim enough or athletic enough," said Earps.
"I was told I wasn't strong enough or fast enough and my body fat was too high. To a certain point that's OK as I'm an athlete - it comes with the territory.
"But it's not nice when you're not comfortable in your own skin to have your fat pinched and told you need to bring it down a bit.
I can remember being really young and just not liking what I looked like.
As Earps' success on the football pitch increased, so too did invites to glamorous events and the number of photographers that come with it.
"You're in a room getting all these photos taken and you think 'that was a horrible angle'," she added.
The way you look aesthetically and fuelling as an athlete are two conflicting ideals. That's hard for anybody in the limelight.
On Friday, Earps told the BBC she felt "ready and happy to share" that she is in a same-sex relationship with her partner Kitty.
She says her time at Wolfsburg in 2018-2019 helped her see things differently, and though when she met Kitty it was "confusing", she is proud of their relationship.
"I don't see sexuality as linear. I don't label things. It's being brave enough to say 'yes, this is my relationship and I'm proud of that - I'm not ashamed'," added Earps.
I have always tried to keep my relationships private but that isn't realistic when you're writing a book of integrity and authenticity.
During the 2023 Women's World Cup, Earps reveals in the book that Kitty had a row with the goalkeeper's dad after hearing "hurtful things" about their relationship.
Earps worried if her family would ever accept Kitty in that moment.
"My family mean a great deal to me and so does my relationship. There were difficulties we had to navigate but we're through that now, thankfully," she added.
Having a family of her own has also been something in Earps' mind for a few years and she has frozen her eggs for later use in fertility treatment.
"It was a crazy, invasive process. I would love to be a mum and have a family but I love playing football," said Earps.
"Some players go off and become pregnant which is their right and they do a fantastic job. I would prefer not to do that. I want to, hopefully if the universe allows it, have a child later down the line.
"There were a few questions that I couldn't answer. You are pumped with hormones for X amount of days and then you have the procedure.
There is general medical advice but it would be great for there to be research around specific athletes. Is there a certain loading or exercises you should be doing? Should you avoid certain things?
Head here to get involved
Source: BBC
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